The Reluctant Diaries: Remus J Lupin
by Jobey
Summary: 'They said a record of our Hogwarts years would be "invaluable". Sorry; I'm not as eager.' Remus confides his first year of Hogwarts to a diary he first tried to reject.
1. 26 August thru 30 August

**Disclaimer: The following is not purely original fiction, but rather characters, settings, and situations as created by J.K. Rowling. _No money is being made of this piece of fanfiction and can not be reproduced for any purposes but strictly private entertainment. _  
_  
_Disclaimer II: I am further away that this style of diary-fic has been popularly used to great effect by _Arabella_, particularly in her HQOW series. I'd like to disclaim any accusations of plagiarism. The idea of diaries other than Tom Riddle's haunted me after CoS and I've worked through this fic and a few companions for quite a while, before I discovered her writing. I did not steal her idea, only had a similar one and wrote it later, and have tried very hard not to let any of her ideas bleed into mine from that point forth. This will probably become evident as you see the differences between her theories and mine. With that, I must say that hers are enjoyable reads, as is _Jedi Boadicea_'s _Blood and Ink_. _  
  
_Author's Notes: Yes, I've fudged _Quidditch Through the Ages_ and I know italics are technically are supposed to be used to show emphasis rather than bolds or underlinings. However, most people in real life do not always adhere to such rules; furthermore, I wanted to distinguish between the writing styles of Mavis, Lola, and Remus (and later Maurice). Pity ff.net no longer allows fonts. That would've been interesting.   
  
Dedication: To _Voltora_, one of my first fanfic encouragers and friends, and in mutual Remus-love. **  
  


**The Reluctant Diaries:  
Remus J. Lupin**  


  
**Part One**  
  
Saturday: To-Do List  
  
1)Arrange a way to get to King Cross Monday (where to get Muggle clothes? Post-transformation? Portkey?)  
  
2)Go over Remus's supplies list   
  
3)Arrange and prepare to go back to Grating (Purchase Floo powder?)  
  
4)Establish bed-time (do not compromise anything later than 9)  
  
5)Buy ingredients for Sleeping Draught (ashpodel root discount until 1 Sept)  
  
_Ah! Busy day, I see._  
  
Excuse me?  
  
_Oh, I am sorry, did I startle you?_  
  
Er, no… I just didn't know this was an enchanted notebook. My apologies - my son conveniently forgot to mention this.  
  
_Ah, I see. My apologies as well.  
_  
No, no, quite all right. It's just I was planning to use you as my organiser…  
  
Oh, dear. Feel free, madam (or at least I hope you are a 'madam'; my handwriting discretion skills are not quite what they used to be.) I shall simply keep quiet.  
  
Oh, no, I couldn't do that! You would be dreadfully bored. I'm Lola Lupin, and you…?  
  
_My name?_  
  
Er - yes, I suppose.   
  
_Mavis.  
_  
Ah. Good day, Mavis. I'm sorry if I'm a bit out of it… this changes things. You see, today my son Remus was in Diagon Alley when he wound up talking to a group of girls who gave him this diary with a strong, enthusiastic suggestion to record his days at Hogwarts. Apparently they were rounding up every first-year they could find, although they were just 'ickle firsties' themselves.   
  
_I think I see.  
_  
Precisely. So this evening Remus tells the story and we had a good laugh - and then he tells me to keep this, er, you. He doesn't really want to start journaling. He took you, I'm afraid, to humour the girls.  
  
_Hm. Well, a pretty natural reaction from an eleven-year-old boy._  
  
Yes. Well, actually, I've forced books on him so many years he's heartily sick of it. The idea of having to fill a diary - he just mentally drew the line there. Hmm. Let me think. Mavis, I confess, I'm a horrible over-fretting mother.   
  
_I had to raise my younger siblings. I believe I can sympathise, Mrs Lupin._  
  
Oh, it's just Lola, please. Truthfully, I've had two husbands and separated from both of them… although not at the same time, of course! I certainly didn't mean it that way…  
  
_Of course not. I didn't believe of you for a moment._  
  
Now, you would really be quite bored with me. I also really don't think Remus knew you were…  
_  
Enchanted?_  
  
Er, yes. Don't hold it against him.  
  
_I wouldn't think of it._  
  
I've a brainwave. This is sort of a favour to ask, but go you suppose we could wipe all of this; I'll force you on Remus, and you could sort of - keep an eye on him at Hogwarts?  
  
_It's not as if I have much of a choice…_  
  
Oh, but you do. That's why I asked. Would you mind very much? I don't mean you would have to be a go-between or anything of the sort; I'm just an overprotective mother with separation anxiety…  
_  
I wouldn't; but I'll be quite clear. I simply cannot break confidences by spilling Remus's secret to you and I cannot play second mother by trying to dictate him._  
  
Oh, no! I wouldn't dream of it. Just - oh, dear, I'm so very nervous and I'm trying not to show it. Just - oh, just keep an eye on him and just give me a quick review every summer.  
  
_Odd arrangement, but I like it quite well. It's been a while since I've been a student's diary. Mind you, it's intriguing. I am getting excited._  
  
Thank you. Very much.  
  
_Not at all._  
  
There is one more thing…  
  
_Yes?  
  
Lola?_  
  
If you have any objections, I want to know, not Remus.  
  
_But I don't, truly.  
_  
No. Let me get to it. My son is a werewolf.  
  
_Oh._  
  
Do you mind?  
  
_Not particularly. As his diary, I am actually spelled against holding any such thing against him in our exchanges, even if I wanted to. I doubt I will. Diaries get fascinating glimpses into people's souls. Although I admit to praying we're separated during full moon, if you don't mind me saying. _  
  
Oh, no, he wouldn't. Promise. He's really quite levelheaded. Are you positive?  
  
_Very. In fact, this promises to be interesting.   
_  
Well… okay then. But, remember - I did not tell you about this. In fact, you never even talked to me and don't even know whose possession you are in. It's just that Mum, in a fit of sternness, decided that he simply needed to do some journaling for the benefit of his growth.  
  
_Ha! Yes, I see. 'Mum' is the word. Tell him the very first word he writes is his password, so choose carefully._  
  
Oh, yes, right. Thank you, Mavis. Thank you very much. You don't know what peace of mind this gives me.  
  
_I can imagine._  
  
Thank you. I'll talk to you next year, then?  
  
_Promise.   
_  
  
HoHYW  
  
26 August  
  
Well, here is the result of Mum's latest 'cause-I'm-your-mother-**that's**-why' moods.  
  
_I remember them well. Quite irritating, no?  
  
Oh, pardon me. Did you know this diary was living? Enchanted?  
_  
I think I am getting an inkling.  
  
_Indeed. I am Mavis Townshed, just Mavis, thank you. And yourself?  
_  
Remus Lupin. I think. I am a bit surprised… sorry.  
  
_Quite all right, as you did not know. How did you come by me?  
  
_It was yesterday, in Diagon Alley.  
  
_Oh, goody. Are you going to school?  
_  
Er, yes. Hogwarts.  
  
_Indeed! I went there myself.  
_  
Really? You were once alive?  
  
_Alive, indeed! You don't think I am dead now?  
_  
Oh, right, sorry.  
  
_But yes. Why, child, I was one of the first students of Hogwarts School. But go on. In Diagon Alley…  
_  
Right… I was stopped by five girls. They are Hogwarts first-years, too: Mercy Mullen, Samantha Orr, Hannah Mockingham, Arabella Hagley, and Olivia Bodine. It seems they were handing out diaries to all their fellow first-years. They were insistent that the records would be 'invaluable' at the end of our seven years.   
  
_Actually, they were quite right.  
_  
They probably were. I'm sorry, but I'm not really as eager. I tried to give you to Mum.  
  
_And she…?  
_  
Gave it back. Developing good writing skills, a quiet time for reflection, and 'soul-searching' are supposed to be good for me.  
  
Mavis?  
  
_Sounds like something a mother would say.  
  
_It took you a moment to reply and now your handwriting is shaky. Are you laughing?  
  
_In the name of tact and friendship, keep talking.  
_  
Oh. Right. Well, no offence, but I kind of was used to the idea of a journal, as they are completely accepting.  
  
_I _am_ a journal, Remus.  
_  
Well, you're not a normal journal.  
  
_No, but I do swear I am completely accepting._  
  
I've found no one can have a personality and be completely accepting.  
  
_Very austere observation. I assure you I am highly accepting, then. What is it you think I can't accept?   
_  
What? Oh. Nothing, really. Just a thought.  
  
_Are you sure?_  
  
Never mind. It's been five minutes, so I'm released from punishment. Good evening.  
_  
Good evening.  
_  
  
HoHTW  
  
27 August  
  
Hello, Mavis.  
  
_Good day, Remus. Being forced to do a daily entry again?  
_  
Yes.  
  
_I am sorry for making it all the more difficult. I imagine it _is _hard, having an audience.   
_  
No, I was going to say sorry for being so rude yesterday. I was just… surprised. And now I feel a bit forced to write now, even at Hogwarts.  
  
_I see. It's quite all right._  
  
Thanks. Mavis, do you get… **bored **in there?  
  
_I can flip through my memories and re-read the entries of my former diarians and talk to my friend Maurice. I must admit new entries _are _a relief. Especially anything amusing._  
  
Amusing? Sorry. That's not really me. Although… say, that **was **rather funny. Do you want to hear?   
  
_Please._  
  
Well, it wasn't all that spectacular, but it was in Diagon Alley again. It was windy, damp, chilly… just regularly nasty. I could barely walk against the wind and I had my books from Flourish and Blottts when I was stopped by someone. I didn't know him, but he was my age. He was taller though. Also he looked a little intimidating. And right out of the blue he asks if I play Quidditch!  
  
_Do you?_  
  
I've never flown before. I heard there's flying lessons at Hogwarts. I'm dying to try. But I barely got to say no when he pulled me into a Quidditch store and bought an Accelerator.   
  
_That's a broomstick?_  
  
Top-of-the-line, brand-new, amazing. Also very fast and very expensive. The clerk sort of stared at this boy and warned him six times that it could not be returned once it left the shop, very bemused. It **was **odd. I had no clue where **I **came in, but you could not make yourself heard with him (and I don't mean the clerk). He snatches the Accelerator and shoves over a few handful of Galleons as if it were nothing. Then he drags the broom and myself outside.  
  
Mavis, he held the broom out and told me to take it. An Accelerator.  
  
_My goodness! That's wonderful!_  
  
Wonderful? It was **awful**. I **couldn't **accept that! Although… I did sort of want to.   
  
_Why wouldn't? I admit to being a Quidditch addict, but in my day girl flyers were heavily frowned upon. So did you get it?_  
  
Well, I thought he was joking. But then he **shoved **it at me and I nearly dropped the books and the Accelerator into the mud in shock. I must have looked like such an idiot. Yet he still really didn't listen a bit. So finally I had to pretty much shout _no_!  
  
Then (this is where it was funny) he turns to this older girl, who I believe is his sister, and says innocently: 'Elsie V. (no idea what the V is about), what am I going to do? This is unreturnable.'  
  
_The rogue! All a trick!_  
  
Yes, but wasn't it **grand**? I nearly died trying not to laugh. Elsie V. looked **horrified**, but in too much shock to protest.  
  
_Poor girl probably puts up with that all the time._  
  
I bet so. I swear, that boy just looked wicked, but I rather liked him. It was the greatest joke.  
  
_It certainly was. I shall chuckle over that one for days._  
  
Go ahead. I will, too. I hope we meet up at Hogwarts. I'll write tomorrow.  
  
G'night.  
  
  
HoHYW  
  
28 August  
  
Hello, Mavis.  
  
_Good morning, Remus! You're writing early, I see._  
  
Yes.  
  
_Handwriting is a little shaky… are you all right?_  
  
I'm just **fine**.  
  
_If you say so.  
_  
I'm **trying**. You write too quickly.  
  
_I'm sorry. Go on.  
_  
There isn't much to go on about.  
  
_Ah. Just five minutes of stalling, then?  
_  
Exactly. Any ideas?  
  
_I'm rather interested in knowing what classes are at Hogwarts now, if you don't mind._  
  
Not at all. I believe there are further classes in later years, but for first-years it runs: Astronomy, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, History of Magic, Potions, and Transfiguration.  
  
_Hm. Read over your books?  
_  
I skimmed them. I don't need to know everything in them just yet, right?  
  
_I highly doubt it. Do you mind if I ask you a question?  
_  
I cannot promise to answer.  
  
_Shrewd one, aren't you? Well, what exactly is that password from?  
_  
Oh, that. Well, truth be told, I wanted to be sure to pick something no one would guess, so I took the initials of one of our history books: History of Hundred Years' War. Just on a whim.   
  
_Oh! I see. Well, I promise no one will guess. Do you like history?  
_  
It's sort of interesting, but I'm tired of it. Mum was so afraid I would not go to Hogwarts, she got all sorts of books for studying. I'm quite certain I've memorised them by now and never want to hear of Sir Arthur Wellesey again as long as I live.  
  
_Ah. Understandable. Could you tell me of this Hundred Years' War some day? I've missed a lot, being a diary some thousand years…  
_  
All right. But not just now… I'm a little busy. Til later, Mavis.  
  
Good-bye, dear.  
  
  
HoHYW  
  
30 August  
  
_My word! You missed a day!  
_  
I know.  
  
_Is your mum relenting?  
_  
Sort of.  
  
_You can tell me any 'let's fool the jailer' stunts. I _am _your diary, keeper and confidant of all secrets.   
_  
_Remus?  
_  
Well, here's a secret I'd rather tell **now **before I've got to worry about Hogwarts and all. Only I'd rather not mention it at all.   
  
_It's your choice, my dear, but I suggest you go on._  
  
Fine. I didn't write yesterday because the 28th was full moon and I'm a werewolf. And if you never write back again I understand.  
  
_My dear, no, indeed. How long ago did you get bitten?  
_  
You don't **mind**?  
  
_Heavens! I honestly don't. You're my diarian, and remember what I said about being very accepting.  
_  
_Remus?  
_  
I'm sorry. I'm just a little… surprised. For years I thought the only one who accepted me was Mum… later my stepfather… and now Professor Dumbledore, of course. It's odd.   
  
_How so?_  
  
Well, no one else seems to think so. Werewolves are thought of as monsters, after all, and most only care about that. This summer Mum and I were forced out of a village… again. I cause so much trouble.  
  
_My dear, I've already seen you are a caring and intelligent person, and the being victim of what was most likely an accident is not anything that would sway that opinion.  
_  
Right. How on earth could you see that from three-and-a-half entries?  
  
_You took me off those girls out of politeness. You were quick to ask if _I _was bored, and if there was anything you can do for me. You understood the Accelerator incident. You picked a clever password. And you are very sane and sensible for a child with your curse. I hate to say, but many werewolves are mistrusted for a reason. Many adults are driven mad by it all.  
  
_Mavis?  
  
_Yes?  
_  
I need a moment to think. Is that okay?  
  
_I expect you would. Go on and think away.  
_  
Okay. And Mavis?  
  
_Yes, Remus?  
_  
Thanks.  
  
*  
  
HoHYW  
  
Okay, I'm back. Writing twice in one day… I think Mum is going to faint with happiness.  
  
_Ha!  
_  
_If you don't mind, could you tell me when you were bitten? I'm actually rather curious, if you think you wouldn't…_  
  
No, it's okay. I figured I'd have to answer. It was a few weeks after my fifth birthday.  
  
_Fifth! You were five?_  
  
Yes.  
  
_Goodness._  
  
Mavis?  
  
_Yes?  
_  
Whatever am I going to do at school?  
  
_You will have to be more exact, dear. And I must say I am quite surprised you are going at all. I've never heard of it before… not that I'm not rather pleased you are._  
  
Prof Dumbledore said I'm the first at Hogwarts.  
  
_Dumbledore… last I heard, he defeated Grindelwald and was a Transfiguration teacher. Is he Headmaster now?_  
  
Yes. And almost a moment too late.  
  
_How so?_  
  
Our Hogwarts letters were signed by Dumbledore. Oh, you should have seen Mum. I haven't seen her so thrilled in years… perhaps when she married Chris. But in half an hour we got one from the Headmaster, Armando Dippet.  
  
_That Hufflepuff who was a potions expert?_  
  
I suppose so. Mum read the letter and started crying.  
_  
Oh, dear._  
  
I had never seen her cry before. I was **terrified**. But the letter just said that they had discovered I was a werewolf and I could not come. Mum stopped crying after I read it and started asking about planning dinner… of all things. She never mentioned the letter for a month, just went on with it.  
  
_But now…_  
  
Dumbledore actually came to visit us last month to 'apologise' and 'offer an explanation'. Dippet retired.   
_  
You sound surprised he came.  
_  
Well, of course! He's the greatest wizard in the world, after all. Drinking tea as casual as anything in our kitchen. Which was a bit of a nightmare, actually, as it was raining and the roof was leaking, and we had run out of sugar. Mum almost died of shame.   
  
_Oh, Remus… so, about school, you are nervous?_  
  
Yes.  
  
_Then I take this opportunity to assure you that it is a common feeling. So why? _  
  
I've **never **been able to get on with children my age. Not since I was bitten and left Canan Millbury (that was our village, both my mother and father's families had been there for ages), and if they found out… it doesn't quite take a genius to figure out what a disappearance the same time every month means…  
  
_You'd be surprised._  
  
And even if they **don't**… it's hopeless. Even when I do talk to someone… it's **difficult**. In the town we were staying in just before this I had played with some of the children there; ended up kicking the ball too hard, losing it… and then they found it out as well. I always mess it up in the end.  
  
_You'll get to practise; seven years to learn.  
_  
Seven years… that's a long time. It's actually longer than the time I've been a werewolf.   
  
_Would you like my advice?_  
  
It definitely won't hurt.  
  
_Be yourself, have fun, try talking, and I'm fairly sure you will make some wonderful friends. _  
  
Sure. And then they'll find out. Mavis, it's -  
  
_By which time they will like you so much it won't matter._  
  
Right. You are definitely very optimistic. Well, term starts tomorrow, so we'll find out.   
  
_Be sure to write.  
_  
All right.  
  
_Try to on the Express (that is what it's called now, correct?) if just for a moment. As I recall, it's a dreadful long time. Last I heard it took a full day.   
_  
A full day… I suppose I'll find time.   
  
_One last thing: did Dumbledore mention where you will be going when it's full moon?_  
  
He said he had a plan and that I would soon find out. He said there was a deserted house he secured, and a secret way to get there.   
  
_Oh. Just checking. And do the teachers know?  
_  
Yes. Which is rather uncomfortable. Mavis? I don't feel quite well from Friday night. I'd honestly rather not think about it all.   
  
_I'm sorry. That's your tactful way of saying 'stop being nosy', right? G'night, and good luck, dear._  
  
Thanks, Mavis. I'll write tomorrow.   
  
  
30 August  
  
Mavis? It's Lola... what on earth was my password? 'To-Do'?  
  
_Hello, Lola. Never mind that for now. It's 'Saturday'. Just checking in?  
_  
Yes. Oh, Mavis, I'm a mess. I can't stand it. There is no way in this world or that which is to come that I can let Remus go tomorrow. At the last second I'll hold him back. No, I won't. I can't. It's the absolute best opportunity for him. I can't deny him that. I can't embarrass him or myself or explain to Albus Dumbledore, of all people, why he didn't arrive. I won't be able to concentrate at all while he's gone. What if something happens? If he's found out, wi-  
  
_I hate to sound rude, but… Lola!_  
  
Oh, I know. I know. I'm ridiculous and I'm rambling and I'm downright taking advantage of your position.   
  
_My dear Mrs Lupin, for you and all loving mothers I have the greatest of sympathy. And you're not the only half-hysterical woman I've comforted._  
  
Oh, I'm half-hysterical now, are I?… Sorry! That wasn't intended maliciously. It was sarcasm, which is far from becoming, but I feel it's my only retreat.   
  
_Oh, Lola. You have plenty of things going positively for your son's well-being. To start, you have this infamous Albus Dumbledore on your side, and Remus himself is an extraordinary lad._  
  
But he is only a boy… what if he ever took it in his head to do something silly, something any of us would've done as schoolchildren that didn't matter much but would cause a great disaster considering his lycanthropy? I worry so much about that. The desire to fit in and willful adolescent emotions…  
  
_Take comfort. He's not quite there yet. Eleven is still a fairly sensible age, and you've brought him up on a good foundation._  
  
If something did go wrong, he'd never forgive himself. Nor would anyone else!   
  
_You would, and that would count for a great deal.  
_  
Not in Azkaban. Not for the Committee.   
  
_Lola, think what a life he'll have if he never takes this chance.  
_  
Dear Mavis, where did you ever come by this wonderful logic that I'm beginning to realise I can never fight against?   
  
_One thousand years and access to more of human sorrow and joy and various other extraordinary emotions than it's really quite healthful to get. Now, I know I cannot promise you everything shall go right. But I can say with a great degree of certainty that not everything shall go wrong! Really, Lola. You struck me as a sensible woman._  
  
I suppose I did. That wonderful façade helps.  
  
_It's no façade. Get a good night's sleep._  
  
I've been trying. Remus already had one nightmare, and that usually indicates more to follow. Nightmares! What'll his roommates say?… You're right. I shouldn't be fretting and I'm making every problem seem bigger than it is. I do swear I normally have some more common sense. I'm just having a breakdown now and in the morning after Remus is safely on the train I'll be heartily ashamed of it.   
  
_There is no reason to be ashamed. Again, you dear mothers warm me to my heart… well, not that I have one, but to my soul. And remember, I had raised my younger brothers and sisters. It can be a heartbreaking task as well as a lovely one. And I can only imagine the extra hardship considering…_  
  
Did he tell you?  
  
_Yes. Just today, in fact._  
  
Mavis, I'm so relieved. He scarcely trusts anyone. But then again, I suppose it's difficult not to trust you… I hope he doesn't think to start spreading it around at Hogwarts at the drop of a hat, though…  
  
_I'll persuade him not to._  
  
Thank you, really. I appreciate everything so much.  
  
_And you love that boy to death. Covers a lot of lapses of sanity in my eyes. Honestly, try to rest. See him off with a smile tomorrow. No reason to give Remus any more doubts… which he has a wealth of._  
  
I will. Till next year?  
  
_I can tell you're thinking doomfully 'so many things can happen in a year!'. Yes, till next year. _  
  
Take care of yourself, and good night, Lola.  
  
_Good night, Mavis.  
_


	2. 2 September

**A/N: This is the really popular sort of story, I can see. As I've gotten more reviews for one chapter than any other single upload before, and I know this is far from stellar writing, or even my own best. But I guess you combine magical diaries and a young Remus and you have a crowd-pleaser.   
  
Only one entry in this chapter: the first day. But it's a long one, and we'll get to the rest in due time. Also, as many sharp-eyed reviewers pointed out, there is a startling lack of real movement or action in the story yet (and obviously not much for this chapter, either). I agree that it definitely has to get more exciting too, and it will have its moments, never fear; there's even a mystery plot. However, if you were looking for action/adventure or constant humour, leave, the same as anyone who wanted too much angst. This is all rather in an L.M. Montgemeryish style and pace; I am not rushing anything, it'll meander through entries at its own sweet pace, and there will quite a lot of background and introspective dealings. Mavis is old-fashioned: it shows (or so I hope), and that's the way Remus was raised, more or less. Of course, that'll slowly deteriorate with some influence *grins* but, still.   
  
Just so you know.   
  
However, if we're a little into the story and you're falling asleep at the screen, sure, let me know. Kick me in the rear.  
  
I promise to try to keep the author's notes down after this. Thanks very much for the feedback: Myrtle, auroraziazan, Penelope, Soph, Darragh Tieraneux, Diva937, Uno, Flamewing, Lavander Ice, JKLB, DaemonStorm, and Voltora. Line up for your chocolate frogs after the end of the chapter. :-)   
  
The Reluctant Diaries: Remus J Lupin  
Chapter Two**  
  
2 September  
  
Mavis, I'm so sorry for not writing yesterday like I promised. It just got so busy that there really wasn't any free time… except perhaps for some of the time on the train, but there was really no privacy and most of **that **was pretty eventful too!  
  
_Don't you dare neglect life for my enjoyment of entries. As you enjoyed yourself, that is the most important thing._  
  
How'd you tell that much?  
  
_That you enjoyed yourself?_  
  
Yes.  
  
_An exclamation point usually indicates excitement, Remus._  
  
Oh. Er, right.   
  
_Oh, you. (Meant in the nicest way possible.) Do you intend to tell about the day?_  
  
I don't know where to start.  
  
_Most people tend to start a story at the beginning._  
  
Not really - there was a period in wizarding literature about one hundred and sixty years ago where it was quite fashionable to depart from chronological order and even today-  
  
_Much as I am fascinated, dear child, I'm really more interested in your day._  
  
Merlin. All Mum's pushes toward studying - their effects are beginning to worry me. How'd I start to spout off all of that? Anyhow, right. The beginning of the day started… entirely too early. How come Muggles take so long getting from place to place? The platform is within the same city.   
  
_That sounds rather judgmental._  
  
I didn't mean it to be. Mum and I have lived in the Muggle world quite some time and I don't have anything against them… except that our ways are so much quicker and I was really tired. But that probably… well, luckily everything was packed from the night before, and Mum insisted we give ourselves an extra half an hour at least, which turned out to be a very good idea. Because those streets make no sense, and - anyhow, this is the really uninteresting part. We got to Platform Nine-and-Three-Quarters. That's the important thing. Do you know how one gets through it?  
  
_They didn't have it when I attended… Hogwarts was in its very earliest and rudimentary stages, and they didn't have trains back then, in the wizarding or non-magical world. However, I think there's something to do with a secret barrier…?_  
  
Sort of, pretty much so. There's a wall between platform nine and platform ten. Like there is between all the platforms… this is difficult. Have you ever seen a Muggle station before? I mean, had it described to you?   
  
_Yes. I had a Muggle diarian who designed the station in question. _  
  
Really?!  
  
_Don't use two punctuation marks, Remus. It's very unbecoming. It puts me in mind of squeaking voices. Yes, indeed. But I'm not to reveal much more about my other diarians. At least, not until I'm positive they're dead. I'm just curious about Nine-and-Three-Corners._  
  
Right. (I have this urge to put two periods, just to annoy you, but I guess that's rude as well.) Quite simply, the wall is enchanted. You walk through it. You have to concentrate a bit and actually have some faith it's going to work. I guess that's why Muggles have never found it out. You don't need any magic - Squibs and Muggles can do it if they want. Isn't it sort of odd no one who isn't supposed to ever did?  
  
_Wizards do rely a great deal on Muggles' disbelief in all things magical. It's quite convenient. Of course, not too many people at a station go around trying to see if the walls can be walked through or not on a whim._  
  
True.   
  
_Another precocious observation on your part, however. You just walk straight through it?_  
  
The only difficult thing is making sure Muggles don't notice you disappearing into a wall.   
  
_Ah. The Ministry of Magic must have glorious fun with that. _  
  
Probably so. Mavis, I'll be right back - Peter has a question about Transfiguration.   
  
_Of course._  
  
*  
  
Now I'm confused. I thought I understood it this morning in class but now I'm no so sure.   
  
_If you thought you understood it before you probably did._  
  
I guess I'll trust on that. It's getting late, though. I should probably move along.   
_  
What time is it?_  
  
Eight. Eight-ten.  
  
_Any time you're supposed to be in bed?_  
  
Mum said nine… but then added that I won't always do so and she doesn't expect me to.   
  
_And have you any intention of listening?_  
  
Get **ready **for bed then… yes. She **is **my mother. But actually **in **bed? No one else will be.  
  
_Right. It's a nice relief to see you are true and typical boy through and through. _  
  
_Remus?  
_  
After a bit of thought, I've decided to take that as it was said with no deeper meaning.   
_  
Honestly. Well, you've made a good decision. Go on with the day._  
  
The platform was crowded. Over two hundred students, plus the families that chose to come. Of course, there was the matter of getting on first. Someone else helped us. He thought we were Muggles. It's just that no one from either my mother's or my father's family has gone to Hogwarts for about three hundred years - except my Mum's father, and obviously Mum wasn't around then.   
  
_Yes, that's the impression that I'd get. _  
  
He was rather superior about it and then told the student he was chaperoning not to get too friendly with me. That was really nasty. How can Muggle-borns help being Muggle-borns?  
_  
Of course they can't. Stick to that thought and don't let anyone else change your mind._  
  
I won't. I know what prejudice is.  
  
Mum was upset, but I don't think it was over that. I was afraid she'd start crying. Because by the time we were ready to leave, I was really, really nervous, and if she had cried I think I would've too, and that would've been awful.   
  
_It must be difficult for her as well. You're all she has._  
  
That's mainly because I drove off everything else she had. One would really almost expect her to be a bit relieved to see me off and have her life back.  
  
_Remus!   
_  
She lost two husbands and my older brother.  
  
_Such separations are rarely, if ever, the fault of the children_.  
  
For Chris I was part of the reason and with Father I **was**. He said so himself.   
_  
Then it's certainly not much of a loss to her! You are her son and she loves you dearly._  
  
I know that. But for once she'll finally have some freedom while I'm here.   
  
_She… never mind. I'm going to make an allowance for your current ignorance of matters. But mothers… she does love you, you know that. You said so yourself that she was almost crying._  
  
I do know that! I know it very well and I'm incredibly thankful she stood by me. I'm just saying she would've had it so much easier had she not.  
  
_Don't be ridiculous. An inborn mother's conscience would have come into play. I was never even a mother and know it too well.   
_  
Let's not argue, Mavis.  
  
_Agreed. We'll not, but we may have to discuss it at some later point in time. I say this much out of concerned affection, Remus. But go on. The train left the station at this juncture, I'd suppose, hopefully with you on it._  
  
Yes… that much went all right enough. I would've felt very unsure and awkward, but then I ran into our acquaintance with underhand ways of acquiring Accelerators.   
  
_Oh, did you?_  
  
Yes, we wound up in the same compartment… the train is divided-  
  
_I understand the anatomy of the train.   
_  
Er, right. He didn't recognise me at first… and frankly I was too shy to say anything. He seemed to be talking to the entire compartment at once, fifteen conversations at the same time. How does one manage that?  
  
_I don't know. That's why I'm a diary._  
  
Right. But then he spotted me out of the blue and dived over so quickly I ducked. 'I never **did **get a chance to thank you for my Accelerator!' he said and shook my hand.   
  
_Oh, a stand-up comic around the clock. I know the type._  
  
His name is Sirius Black. I mentioned that he seemed a bit preoccupied at the time, but he didn't hear me. First-years aren't allowed brooms, he said. He didn't sound too pleased but said it was safe at home and waiting. He ran off pretty quickly after. Then I wandered into a compartment full of third-year girls. Not the best move.  
  
_Oh, you poor, dear boy.  
_  
It wasn't very funny. They're crazy. You're laughing again, aren't you?  
  
_I might be. What happened to give you such a dour opinion?_  
  
There was one, Bertha, who announced her intention to adopt me and in general treated me like a stuffed toy until I escaped.  
  
_You'll hate to hear me say it, but that's almost flattering._  
  
Really, Mavis!  
  
_All right. Girls _can _be ridiculous. But you emerged in roughly one piece, did you not?  
_  
And with the resolution to steer clear of them.  
  
_That is an intelligent tactic indeed. _  
  
Then I found Sirius again, which was a relief, as I didn't know where to go. The only other person I found alone was the boy who had been told to stay clear of Muggle-borns. I didn't particularly want to be around him.  
  
_Understandable, but bear in mind that those were the opinions of his guardian, and not necessarily him. _  
  
That's true, but I still felt awkward. I stayed with Sirius, who was put out because he couldn't find someone, and two girls named Sammy Orr and Hannah Mockingham most of the trip. They were two of the ones who gave you to me. They asked if I was truly keeping the journal or if I was 'skivving off like boys do'. We got on all right enough for a few hours. Sirius bought a huge bag of these flavoured jelly beans. It was disgusting when it was your turn but amusing when it was anyone else's.   
  
_Ah, isn't that always the case._  
  
Sirius swears he got live ant. What I want to know is how exactly he knows the difference of the taste between a live ant and a dead one. But that's at the point  
  
_If it moves going down your throat, it's live._  
  
Oh.  
  
_Sorry, go on.  
_  
No, that's all right. It just took me a moment to realise what you were talking about. It's… sensible.  
  
_My trademark. What happened at this juncture?_  
  
We had someone else come in, and Sirius… I was beginning to like Sirius a lot, but it got really nasty.  
  
_Who came in, and what happened to give you this opinion?_  
  
Her name is Lily Evans, along with a boy named Peter Pettigrew, and she was Muggle-born, and Sirius started asking some really unkind questions.  
  
_Was he mocking her?_  
  
No, not really. I guess that's why I'm not very angry with him. They weren't really nasty, just… insensitive. He was really just clueless about Muggles altogether. But, of course, being from his family, you'd expect that, in a way. I thought Sirius seemed really… nice, considering his father. I guess you wouldn't know his father, of course, Arisuis Black.   
  
_No. Why the poor opinion of him?_  
  
He's really quite… it's hard to explain. To start off, he's completely prejudiced against Muggles and just about everything. Unluckily he's in a position where he can act on those feelings too.  
  
_He's works for the Ministry?_  
  
No. The thing is, no one seems to really understand what he does in the Ministry, although he calls himself an employee. It's more like the Ministry works for him. Or he just really has enough money to have the right people do as he likes.  
  
_I find it a tad disturbing that you're so aware of political matters, dear._  
  
How so?  
  
_Concentrate on every flavoured beans, really. How can you judge him? You don't know him. I don't doubt he's a very moral or affable fellow, but let's leave off on that. I get the impression that Sirius had the sheltered life of a rich son of an influential and prejudicial father. And so he was ignorant of Muggles?_  
  
Basically so. Lily Evans didn't understand all of this, of course. She and Sirius had a huge row over it, and Lily and Peter left. Sirius was sulking the rest of the trip, and Sammy and Hannah left as well.   
  
_I'm sorry things turned so sour._  
  
Lily is still hopping mad and Sirius is extremely immature about it. He was leering at her all day, as if we didn't have enough to worry about, and just before I started writing to you Lily came over to where Peter, Gus, and I are and pretty much blew up at us.  
  
_High-strung, she is._  
  
Homesick, too. I think she feels very out of step.  
  
_Another of your perceptive moments. But really. You've managed to go this long without even mentioning your current House? I don't want to cut you short, but with bedtime soon, I'd like to get through this all._  
  
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot!  
  
_Don't apologise._  
  
No, I meant to tell you first thing, planned to earlier, and then forgot. I guess I'm so used to it already. Mavis, how did they Sort in your day?  
  
_Are you putting this off? The Founders themselves handpicked us after a month of observation._  
  
What were you?  
  
_A Hufflepuff. Remus, what are you? I'm incredibly irritated that I haven't quite placed you anywhere, and usually I can at least hazard a guess with the other first-years who've confided to me._  
  
How many others have…  
  
_Other diarians? Fourteen took me to Hogwarts, counting you. Ten confided to me regularly throughout their seven years. I love having Hogwarts students as diarians. It's the high point of a diary's life. Now, for heavens' sakes, Remus!_  
  
Gryffindor. Eventually.   
  
_Indeed! It certainly took you long enough. One would think you were ashamed.  
_  
Of course not! I love Gryffindor.  
  
_I'm teasing you, scarlet-bloodied Gryffindor you already are. What the 'eventually' about?_  
  
It took almost a full minute. Which I suppose isn't a lot, until the Sorting. Only Peter and someone whose name was Something Nanhatchet took longer. The Sorting Hat is a bit smart-alecky. And I thought some of its rhymes stilted into the bargain.  
  
_The good old Sorting Hat. I feel I know it myself. So many diarians - so many different attitudes toward it. How was it smart-alecky?_  
  
Well, we started battling when it considered just about every House. Eventually the Hat got down to Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. And no offence at all, really - I've nothing against Hufflepuff except that I knew some of the people in Gryffindor and no one in Hufflepuff.   
  
_That's understandable. If anyone in your family had gone to Hogwarts, you would have had a preference, however, trust me._  
  
Well, my grandfather - I was named after him - was in Ravenclaw, but that wound up being the first one the Hat eliminated… because on full moon I'm really anything but Ravenclawish.   
_  
How would that factor in? It's once a month._  
  
But it's always there, on some level. I have really heightened senses, and nocturnal vision, and am stronger than most people. They're the only good things.  
  
_There's always some sort of balance - compensation for tragedy, a price for joy._  
  
I've heard things like that, but I can't imagine it applies to every single case in life.  
  
_I suppose there could be exceptions, but it's my belief they're so rare you don't have to concern yourself with them. How did you turn the tide with the Hat between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor?_  
  
I said, impatiently as possible, that I honestly didn't care as long as it made a decision and made it quickly.  
  
_Oh, Remus!  
_  
What?  
  
_This time I _am _laughing. You're too much. What did the Hat say?_  
  
'Nice try' - and then a warning that with that sort of conniving, perhaps Slytherin was a larger possibility.  
  
_A price for the joy, Remus, price for the short fix._  
  
But it chose Gryffindor in the end, and all in all I'm happy it did.  
  
_Then I'm glad it did as well. And what about the other Gryffindors? Do you get on with them?_  
  
How so? It's only the end of the first day.  
  
_I'm just concerned. Gryffindors were always the rowdiest group. You've been more or less sheltered, and you're introverted. I'd like to see how this combination is working. _  
  
I like them, mostly. There's only a few classes with other Houses. I haven't had much time to compare - and won't. I'm here, so I'll like them. Although Sirius and Lily ended up in Gryffindor, as well, which is unfortunate. They've been snipping at each other all day.   
  
_Don't get caught in the middle. You've more than enough to worry about._  
  
I'm not. That's what Linda and I were discussing earlier.  
  
_Linda?  
_  
Linda Fairchild. Oh, I didn't mention her. She's in Gryffindor, too. The thing was is that we met once years and years ago, but after that didn't see each other until now. So we've stuck together most of the day. She says she likes Lily a lot but isn't about to get between the 'warzone'.   
  
_Clever girl._  
  
And then Peter is also in my dormitory, and James Potter. I feel a bit out of it. They all know each other, more or less. Their fathers are all from the Ministry, and there's infamous 'gatherings' that Sirius and James have endless tales on. A bit too amusing, really; I suspect they caused at least half of the havoc.  
  
_The four of you are destined for trouble. I can see it already._  
  
How so? They're fun, but I don't want to cause trouble here.  
  
_Veteran pranksters, your intelligence, pocket money, roommates, too-dangerous senses of humour. It's an old combination. Heaven help your teachers and classmates._  
  
Don't be silly.   
  
_I'm not. But then again, goodness knows that I shouldn't be encouraging you. _  
  
I've left off pranks. I promised Mum before I left.  
  
_Oh, dear! So you do have experience!_  
  
I really hated Chris for a while, when he was first seeing Mum. All experience was necessary. I guess I got it from my older brother.  
  
_I've heard him mentioned a few times now. Please, for the love of Merlin, don't tell me his name is Romulus._  
  
Logical conclusion. Yet, no. (Mum thinks very badly of anyone who believes she would be quite so morbid. And have I really mentioned him that often?) His name was is Ritchie. He would be twenty-one, now.  
  
_Ten years' difference? And so he's on his own now?  
_  
I don't know. Father took him when he left.   
  
_All right._  
  
All right?  
  
_What I suppose I'm trying to say is that if you wish to keep on talking about this subject, you're more than welcome, but that I won't force you with unwanted questions.  
_  
Thank you. I don't know. Oftentimes I want to talk about him so much it hurts. Right now I don't. Anyhow, any amount of talking doesn't really bring him back - it just hurts.   
  
_I'm not sure if that's the most healthful of attitudes, but at the moment it's too late at night to address it._  
  
What would be a more healthful attitude?  
  
_Lack of bravado?_  
  
Outright bawling confession that I've missed him like mad for six years?   
  
_You needn't be so defencive. I apologise if I was too forward.  
_  
And I apologise for being so snappish.  
  
_Enough said. Diaries and diarians often step on one another's toes. It's something we'll grow more comfortable with. Remember that I'm always here if you need a confidante. That's my duty and I dearly love it, Remus, and I'm immersed in concern for your well-being already. And since this is an unanswerable statement, you needn't answer it._  
  
That's okay. Your duty or not, thank you. I like it, mostly.   
  
_You'd really hate it if I guessed with considerable accuracy that it's your appointed bedtime.  
  
_It's ten minutes 'til nine, and I haven't told you about classes yet.  
  
_Oh, really? Well then. Go on._  
  
_Ah. Now we find ourselves at a loss. Caught in our own net._  
  
Now you've forced me into a corner where I feel too self-conscious saying anything.   
  
_It was your own conniving little Slytherinish plot to stay up ten extra minutes. Remus, you may tell me all about your classes tomorrow or whatever day, but I don't think a little sleep would do any harm._  
  
Yes, Mother.  
  
_I'm not trying to be your mother. I'm offering advice. You don't want to fall behind, do you? Don't make the same mistakes about the freedom of boarding school I did._  
  
What sort of mistakes?_  
  
It's too late to discuss them. If you'll tell me good-night and get some sleep I shall confess all later.  
_  
All right. Mavis?  
  
_Yes?_  
  
Good night.   
  
_There you go. Good night, Remus. _


End file.
